This is the question that is being talked about throughout the world with the word "obey" being omitted from the Royal Wedding. Apparently, Princess Di also did not include the word "obey" in her wedding vows which caused quite a controversy.
In the United States, many find the word "obey" quite offensive. Even those within the Church have a hard time uttering the word. "Obey" has become a four-letter-word that none want to utter. We Americans want to be in control of our lives and don't want to submit the the authority of anyone - it is the American way.
While it might be the American way, it is definitely not God's way. God has given us the way to live that help us have the best life possible. He has made it so that some are to be obeyed while others are to follow. God knows us better than we even know ourselves so he is telling us how we will best function - but most think they know what is best. They don't even want to obey God himself.
In the book of Ephesians, God, through the writings of Paul, gives us the way that we submit ourselves. Children should obey their parents, slaves should obey their masters, and yes, of course, the dreaded wives should submit (obey) their husbands. For the purposes of not getting too long-winded, I want to focus on the husband/wife portion as this is what is causing the stir with the whole Royal Wedding thing anyway.
God does tell wives to submit to the husband, and at first glance this might seem extremely sexist and a ploy to keep women in the house serving her master (husband). We American women should not even consider such a thing! But like all scripture, we should never just take a glance. We need to really look at what is being said. Yes, God does tell women to submit to their husband just as we would submit to God himself. However, the scripture continues on to give commands to the husband as well.
The scripture in Ephesians continues by telling husbands that they need to love their wives just as Christ loves the Church. Christ gave up everything for his bride (the Church). Everything He did, and does, is out of perfect love for the Church. His love is so pure and his concern is for the Church. This is the way that a husband ought to love his wife!! Who wouldn't want a husband that loves like that?!! And if a husband loves like that and has only the best interest of his wife and family at heart, who wouldn't want to submit to that? Who wouldn't want a husband that puts nothing before God and his family? His own needs and wants come after that of his family.
I know what you are thinking:
Man: "Yes!!! I am king of my domain. All have to obey me!" Sorry mister, this is no dictatorship. Remember, you are to love your wife like Christ loves the Church. Christ has given the Church a great responsibility. He has given things over to her because it is through the Church that others will come to know Him. Being the head-of-the-house doesn't mean it is your way or no way. You are the leader but a good leader knows when to pass things on to others who do things better. You need to realize that your wife is better at many things than you are - let her do them. A good leader will also give freedom. Your wife needs freedom to be who she is. And a good leader knows that even in a relationship where one is the head and the other is submitting, there should be equality.
Remember, you have been given a big task in being the head of the family, and you will be judged on how well you handled this responsibility. Remember the parable of the Harsh Master? He was going on a trip and gave his three servants different amounts of money to take care of until his return. The first two handled the money wisely and were rewarded while the third did not handle the money wisely and all was taken from him and he was thrown out, away from the master. Men, you have been given valuable gifts in your wife and children. How will the Master find you when He returns. Are you taking care of your gifts wisely or are you handling them poorly?
Women: "I am a strong woman! I don't need a man telling me what to do!" Trust me ladies, I know how you are feeling. Most of us don't remember the days when men went to work and wives stayed home just waiting to serve her beloved mate. Yes, those days are gone. We are in a time when men and women are seen as equals which means we shouldn't have to obey because we are not beneath him!! Being submissive does not mean we have to be a doormat. We do bring a lot to our relationship but when push comes to shove the direction of the family and the well-being of the family falls on the husband. The previous paragraph was not just to harp on the men. Us women can get a lot from it also. It is the husband that will be judged on how well he is taking care of the family - not us - so we need to let him do what God intended for him to do. We will be judged on how well we submit.
I found an interesting post that I want to share:
"It is a mistaken assumption that when a bride says she will obey it means she is going to be subservient. Obedience has to do with trust, with listening, and recognizing that in a family you have different functions. There are times when the husband will rightly obey the wife because she knows better and is the lead in that area. The partnership is equal and leadership in a good marriage always shifts. To say obey in a wedding vow means ‘I trust you to make decisions that are for the good of the family.’ It’s no big deal"
This author does a good job in explaining what is means to submit to the husband.
In my wedding (18 1/2 years ago) I did include the word "obey." I will encourage my daughter to do the same. There are many times that I wonder what I was thinking! I am trusting God, though, and trying to remember that He set things up for our own good and to compliment our differences. I know from experience that it is hard but I also know from experience that a great relief is lifted in knowing that you aren't the one in charge. Think of it this way, if you were the one in charge of a company and the company failed to operate the way it should, it would be you that would take the heat, not the workers under you. The same is true for the family, if men are the ones in charge, they are the ones who are responsible for the family. Not having that kind of pressure is freeing!!
(Good thing I decided not to be long-winded!! You'd be reading this for the next several hours:))
Well said. Many today just don't know what this means anymore.
ReplyDelete